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There's an epidemic sweeping the nationSymptoms include:
*Acute embarrassment at the mere notion of 'making a fuss'*Extreme awkwardness when faced with any social greeting beyond a brisk handshake *An unhealthy preoccupation with meteorology
Doctors have also reported several cases of unnecessary apologising, an obsessive interest in correct queuing etiquette and dramatic sighing in the presence of loud teenagers on public transport. If you have experienced any of these symptoms, you may be suffering from VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS.
VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS are highly contagious. There is no known cure.
Rob Temple's hilarious new book reveals all the ways in which we are a nation of socially awkward but well-meaning oddballs, struggling to make it through every day without apologising to an inanimate object. Take comfort in misfortunes of others. You are not alone.
Available for E-Reader (Sony, Bookeen, Iriver, etc.)
Available for Smartphones (Iphone, Samsun, HTC, etc.)
Available for Tablets (Ipad, Android, etc.)
Available for PC / MAC
Well hello to you dear browser. Now I have your attention it would be rude if I didn't tell you a little about my literary feast. So, here is the thing: is it just me or does anyone else find that adulthood offers no refuge from the unexpected horrors, peculiar lack of physical coordination and sometimes unexplained nudity, that accompanied childhood and adolescence? Does everybody struggle with the hazards that accompany, say, sitting elegantly on a bar stool; using chopsticks; pretending to understand the bank crisis; pedicures - surely it's plain wrong for a stranger to fondle your feet? Or is it just me? I am proud to say I have a wealth of awkward experiences - from school days to life as an office temp - and here I offer my 18-year-old self (and I hope you too dear reader) some much needed caution and guidance on how to navigate life's rocky path. Because frankly where is the manual? The much needed manual to life. Well, fret not, for this is my attempt at one and let's call it, because it's fun, a Miran-ual. I thank you.
Dawn French, number one bestselling author of A Tiny Bit Marvellous and Oh Dear Silvia, returns with her joyously funny new novel, According To YES.
The Foreign Land of the Very Wealthy - otherwise known as Manhattan's Upper East Side - has its own rigid code of behaviour. It's a code strictly adhered to by the Wilder-Bingham family.
Emotional displays - unacceptable.
Unruly behaviour - definitely not welcome.
Fun - no thanks.
This is Glenn Wilder-Bingham's kingdom. A beautifully displayed impeccably edited fortress of restraint.
So when Rosie Kitto, an eccentric thirty-eight-year-old primary school teacher from England, bounces into their lives with a secret sorrow and a heart as big as the city, nobody realises that she hasn't read the rule book.
For the Wilder-Bingham family, whose lives begin to unravel thread by thread, the consequences are explosive. Because after a lifetime of saying no, what happens when everyone starts saying . . . yes?
'I adored According to YES. It's so different to anything I've read in forever, so charming, wise, brilliantly written. I loved it all' Marian Keyes
'There is lots of fun to be had reading this book. It's impossible not to warm to Rosie, a funny and open-hearted woman who acts as a salve and comfort blanket for this unhappy, inhibited family. There's something quite joyous about the way she unashamedly romps her way through the novel, changing the lives of those around her for the better' Express
'French can spin a yarn . . . which sets According to YES apart from the usual chick-lit template. Think the vicar of Dibley, without the dog collar. YES YES YES indeed' Independent
Further praise for Dawn French:
'A fantastic slam-dunk pageturner. Funny, enriching . . . page after page I laughed out loud' Mail on Sunday
'A hilarious snapshot of family life in the twenty-first century' Sunday Express
'Extremely funny' Sunday Times
'Dawn tackles the big ones - love, death, grief, childhood, motherhood, parenthood - head on' Guardian
'Makes you laugh on every page' The Times
'A brilliantly observed, very funny novel of family life' Woman and Home
'Funny, really enjoyable, highly recommended. A wonderful writer - witty, wise, poignant' Daily Mail
'Will make you laugh, cry and feel less alone. Fabulous' Good Housekeeping
Welcome to the magnificent Making It Up as I Go Along - aka the World According to Marian Keyes(TM) - A bold and brilliant collection of Marian's hilarious and often heartfelt observations on modern life, love and everything in between.
From a guide to breaking up with your hairdresser to entering the fifties-zone, the joys of her nail varnish museum to singing her way through insomnia, Marian will have you laughing with delight and gasping with recognition throughout - because at the end of the day, each and every one of us is clearly making it up as we go along.
'Never far from barmy, always warm and real. But in the interstices of fun and frippery comes a sincere clarity. At times she is the darkest of light writers' Daily Telegraph
'Keyes manages to verbalize the most mundane of universal experiences and somehow make them funny . . .' Sunday Tribune
'A hilarious, sympathetic read' Hello!
'Packed with hilarious, sharp-eyed observations on life, love and everything else' Woman & Home
The Battle of the Books depicts a literal battle between books in the King's Library, as ideas and authors struggle for supremacy. The "moderns" took the position that the modern age of science and reason was superior to the superstitious and limited world of Greece and Rome. The "ancients," for their part, argued that all that is necessary to be known was still to be found in Virgil, Cicero, Homer, and especially Aristotle. In Swift's satire, he skillfully manages to avoid saying which way victory fell. He portrays the manuscript as having been damaged in places, thus leaving the end of the battle up to the reader.
@10@p@9@@10@strong@9@@10@span style='font-size: 18pt;'@9@Heart Attack for Gourmets@10@/span@9@@10@/strong@9@@10@/p@9@@10@br /@9@@10@p@9@@10@strong@9@@10@span style='font-size: 18pt;'@9@Wariat's Diary (Diary of a Cranky Man)@10@/span@9@@10@/strong@9@@10@/p@9@@10@br /@9@@10@p@9@@10@br /@9@@10@span style='font-size: 18pt;'@9@@10@span style='font-size: 14pt;'@9@@10@strong@9@Today only, get this Kindle book for just $2.99. Regularly priced@10@br /@9@at $7.99. Read on your PC, Mac, smart phone, tablet or Kindle device.@10@/strong@9@@10@/span@9@@10@/span@9@@10@/p@9@@10@br /@9@@10@p@9@@10@span style='font-size: 18pt;'@9@@10@strong@9@The novel was awarded - International Literary Prize. Olesya Ulyanenko in 2012!@10@/strong@9@@10@/span@9@@10@/p@9@@10@br /@9@@10@p@9@@10@br /@9@@10@span style='font-size: 10pt;'@9@The book HEART ATTACK FOR GOURMETS by Volodymyr Vakulenko-K. consists of 13 monologues written from the perspective of different characters that often are not named, but defined in the heading of each chapter (a baby, father, an actor...). In terms of a plot, only several monologues really intersect (e.g., 'The Heart of a Kidnapped Son' and 'The Heart of a Disappointed Literary Man'), while the most of them barely resonate between themselves in mood and subject, sometimes they are contrasting.@10@/span@9@@10@br /@9@@10@span style='font-size: 10pt;'@9@It is a known fact that each writer, first and foremost, writes about himself, if not about his biographical facts, he touches upon the issues that are meaningful for him, the situations that filled his brain for some reason and images that appeared in his subconsciousness. A part of monologues by Volodymyr Vakulenko-K. (VKV) has an autobiographic nature but there are still plenty of those not related to author's biography. The latter contain monologues dedicated to events of 1933 in the author's native village and a story of a woman-librarian who became a maniac and later, a victim, a young monk's story about his relations with satanists, an elf's story about a prolonged bloodless war... VKV tries to talk not only about himself and he tries to write in different genres: documentation and fantasy, thriller and nonsense fiction (Maybe due to this mixture of genres the work is called an 'experimental novel'.)@10@/span@9@@10@br /@9@@10@span style='font-size: 12pt;'@9@@10@em@9@@10@strong@9@(Wariat's Diary (Diary of a Cranky Man). Novel in 13 chapters with consequences of documentation and with elements of absurdism, adventurism and light fantasy!)@10@/strong@9@@10@/em@9@@10@/span@9@@10@/p@9@...
'Having a baby is like watching two very inefficient removal men trying to get a very large sofa through a very small doorway, only in this case you can't say, "Oh, sod it, bring it through the French windows"' Victoria Wood
'It's not easy being a mother. If it were, fathers would do it' Dorothy, The Golden Girls
Motherhood is a tough job and a serious business. Which means there's all the more reason to step back and see the funny side of it, and Just Like Mum Says is packed with humorous insights and wry observations on all matters maternal.
Tracing the course of mothering through pregnancy, the terrible twos, the teenage years and the empty nest, Just Like Mum Says includes wise and witty words from celebrated matriarchs from Marge Simpson to Sharon Osbourne, and Victoria Beckham to Victoria Wood.
In short, Just Like Mum Says amuses, delights, enlightens and touches the heart - just like Mum.
'When my husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I've done my job' Roseanne
'I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood' Homer Simpson
Fathers come in many guises - wise or silly, strict or kind. They can make you laugh and they can make you cringe. They can drive you home and they can drive you mad ...
In Just Like Dad Says, wise and witty words from the likes of Billy Connolly, Jerry Seinfeld, Spike Milligan and Homer Simpson cover everything from the joy of being a new dad to waving kids off as they - finally - leave home.
Old and new, laugh-out-loud funny or wickedly dry, Just Like Dad Says is the best ever collection of quotes by and about Dad.
'My father only hit me once - but he used a Volvo' Bob Monkhouse
'Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective' P.J. O'Rourke
The day I was appointed Chair of the shop union was the same day the Pope was elected. There the similarities end, however. For while his elevation took place beneath the fine art of the Sistine Chapel, with the mysterious white smoke rising, mine took place in the cold store, with nothing more mysterious than the bacon delivery and yesterday's waste...A vicar for twenty years, Simon Parke trades in his dog collar for a job on the tills in his local supermarket. Among the vegetable aisles and dairy produce he unpacks the meaning of life with his fellow workers, a colourful bunch. Sonny the security guard hates conflict; shelf-filler Winston knows he is destined for something better; and voluptuous Faith is generous with her wares - but sadly not with Simon. You don't have to be off your trolley to work there, but it helps...
From checkout charlies to banana rage, from short-changed lows to cold store highs, Shelf Life is a pick-n-mix of wit and wisdom for anyone who loves life and hopes for more - no matter where they find themselves.
Keep Calm and Carry On was a World War 2 government poster discovered in a dusty box nine years ago. Though it never saw the light of day in 1939 (it was only supposed to go up if Britain was invaded), it has suddenly struck a chord in our current difficult times, now we are in need of a stiff upper lip and optimistic energy once again. Gordon Brown had one up in 10 Downing Street and James May wears a Keep Calm T-shirt on the telly - it is suddenly everywhere. The book is packed full of similarly motivational and inspirational quotes, proverbs, mantras and wry truths to help us through the recession, from such wits as Churchill, Disraeli and George Bernard Shaw. Funny, wise and stirring - it is a perfect source of strength to get us all through the coming months.
'A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain' Mark Twain 'It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own' Harry S. Truman
'An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today' Laurence J. Peter'Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine' Lord Byron'Better bread with water than cake with trouble' Russian Proverb